A Very Plastics HalloweenPosted: October 31, 2011
Boo! Did we scare you? Just messing with you.
Halloween is one of our favorite holidays and today we were thinking, “How could we make this holiday any better than it already is?”
That’s when we came up with this dumb list of ways that you can dress up in the spirit of Plastics this holiday season. Enjoy! And beware….
1. Your Future
Cover yourself in felt question marks, or draw them on your clothes! This will symbolize how uncertain you are about the next phase of your life after college. Downside: you look like The Riddler.
2. A current event of your choosing.
Yes, you’re well read and witty and slightly self absorbed and that cute girl at the party is going to appreciate that about you goddammit. So dress as someone/something from a recent news story. Not something related to Occupy Wall Street or an Apple product. Please.
3. Underpaid adjunct professor
Wear lots of tweed and wire-frame glasses. Attach shackles to your wrists and ankles.
4. Arielle Milkman
Get a one-of-a-kind alpaca sweater and deck your wrists out with tribal jewelry. Find black horn-rimmed glasses and carry a 200,000 dollar degree.
5. Jordan Teicher
Find an almost identical pair of hipster glasses. Comb your hair into a wave approximately two feet tall. Wear only earth tones and corduroy or fabrics closely resembling corduroy.
6. Career counselor
Find brightly colored and oversized clothing and accessories. Add a wig or hat. Wear face makeup. Create or purchase a pair of clown shoes.
7. Your childhood self
Raid the boxes of old clothes at your parents’ house and re-construct your childhood wardrobe. Find your old little league baseball jersey, your Batman backpack, and your very first jean jacket. Downside: some people might mistake you for a hipster.
8. The Graduate
Wear a bathing suit and sunglasses and carry a pool floatie. Look around nervously and play The Best of Simon & Garfunkel on your iPhone.
9. An interdisciplinary major.
Dress in mismatching clothes, shave one of your sideburns, and make sure you look like a maniac. Bring your own composting kit with you, quote Foucault as much as possible, and tell the guy who is hitting on you by the bar that you find his non-engaged approach to his own exercise of postcolonial violence to be really fucking problematic.
10. Your student loans.
Carry a loudly ticking watch to symbolize the rapid rate at which your interest is accruing, and write a bunch of numbers all over yourself. Downside: This one is most definitely too pathetic to earn you many points.